worth

So recently I have been listening to Heize's songs (Korean rapper). Super into her. Hip hop / singing / rapping / r&b / old school dj scratch style. Lucky for me I was into Dean and I was quite surprised to see the MV 'And July' almost hitting 10 mil views (which is quite rare for R&B singers in Kpop) and got super drawn into Heize's voice, music style and fashion sense.

 I admit I was 100% fan boying. So as any fanboy I wanted to know her more so I searched the net for her guest appearances on those variety shows. Stumbled into this variety show named "I Live Alone" which literally showed her life in a day.

Take note that she is killin the charts for an amateur.

So she met her brother for lunch and they talked about the past, how she got into the music industry etc. Basically, she was from a rural part of Korea and the stigma against being an artist is really strong there. Well, she wanted to be an artist and the opposition from her dad was really strong. Her dad told her that she can become an artist if she topped her cohort (business administration). She did it. Her results were pretty shitty and her lowest was bottom 10 in class once, and before hating on her dad, her dad's reasoning was that if you can't even manage your studies as a student, what can you actually do? Which tbh sounds pretty reasonable but topping your cohort still seems pretty absurd (in Singapore at least). In any case, she did it, moved to Korea and took 3 part time jobs to fund her album production. Had less than $10 in her wallet after each month cos of the amount of money she used to produce her album. Had no money for food. Ate vitamins cos she was too hungry and got admitted to A&E. Couldn't ask money from parents (she kinda rebelled so) and had to screenshot photos of food to send to her mum.

I have yet to meet anyone personally that has went through so much sacrifice to achieve their dreams.

This story hit home so hard cos most of my friends (including me) are asking themselves what we really want to do for life. Most of us haven't even figure out a bit of it. We just take uni courses cos we are told to do so without an idea of what we really want to achieve. GPA 4.0? It is even a thing? My army friend used to joke with me that studying is just a way to escape from reality. But as I think about it, it is rather true. If what you are studying doesn't even aid you in the slightest way to achieve your dreams, what are you really doing?

Let me help you answer. To get a degree. That's it.

 When Heize moved to Seoul and decided to put all her hard earned money into album production, did she expect it to succeed? Probably no(It didn't). If she had not joined Unpretty Rap Star, she probably wouldn't have gotten so much traction. But even if she didn't succeed, I have actually zero doubt that she will still try, living that shitty life, alone without any support from friends or family and I am so sure because I know that giving up is hard.

Some of you may know that I'm trying to start a streetwear company (dropping by this month btw). I took a year to prepare clausnite, put all my money into it. And I get questions like whether it will sell-I haven't the slightest idea. Will it fail? probably. Will I regret putting that much money into it? probably. Will I ever give up even if i fail? No. and the reason isn't because I'm strong or wtv.

It is just hard to give up on something that has your full attention and well, took all your cash. It is just hard. It is harder to give up than continue. and to continue one just have to be strong. a lot of us like to walk the path that has the least resistance, because it seems to be the most logical way to continue with your life. Achieving your dreams is almost a taboo in SG, most of the time I get mocked at for trying to start something. But sailing down a smooth path do not bring you real challenges. I almost encourage everybody that is trying to start something to just do it. To walk down the path that will actually bring real failures. You become a better person when you keep trying.

But most people aren't scared of failure. It is the embarrassment of failing. 'Oh you spent so much money, time and effort and has yet to work out?? LOL' I fucking hate it. embarrassment is stupid. Looking stupid is a myth guys. Have you seen Stephen Hawking. Fella looks like his dumb af but probably the only person that may have the answers to the whole universe.

But is selling clothes my dream? No. Anyone can sell clothes. The auntie that owns the mama shop that happens to sell clothes, sell clothes. The guy next door that happens to print some sick designs on a plain shirt, sell clothes too. Look, everybody is selling clothes and categorising it under streetwear. You just have to have a cool name for your brand and you are good to go. It is fucking stupid. There is zero effort in the design.

And that is why I took so long to start clausnite (well army is also an issue), I didn't want to create a brand that I don't believe in. Besides trying to slay the local streetwear scene, another real reason why I started clausnite is mostly because I want to prove my worth. Heize topped her class to show her dad she can actually do wtv she wants to do if she really wanted to do it. And I think proving your own worth is very important to anybody. She probably thought to herself, well, I just topped my class. I probably can do wtv the fuck I want if i wanted to. And she went to Seoul with that belief. Just like her, I would like to think that way too.

So before I fail terribly in the upcoming months, I'm posting this so that I can have something positive to fall back on, to spur me on. Good luck clausnite. In the meanwhile Hezie would be my wallpaper.

Oh and uhm, I am not trying to offend you but let's be real. Have you done anything that has proved your worth?